The Beauty of a Storm

Aldo Leopold, in "Come High Water", writes about the special peace that comes in being stranded by floodwaters, unable to return to work or regular life, and forced into a special type of seclusion.
Solitude.
Solitude is what I experience when I step outside, under the cover of a porch, and feel the cool, blustery auguries of an approaching May thunderstorm. The grackles attempt to defy aerodynamics in a feeble attempt to return to a favored roost, long tails perpendicular to their intended destination until they submit to lesser offerings, whether winded heads or tails, as long as this vector results in a perched perspective. The majesty of a towering thunderhead, rumbling and grumbling like an old man's belly,  dark as slate and flashing with power, puts me back into a peaceful sense that all is right with the world-- God is still on the throne, and I no longer am burdened with some false notion of personal omnipotence or uber-responsibility.
Thank you, Abba.

A New Year in 2013?

Happy New Year.
What an interesting season we are in.
This month has been something of an "uncovering" month, when political falsehoods and civic manipulations are coming to light.
I think it's interesting that there was no "assault rifle" used in the Connecticut massacre, and the family of the perp are actually connected to high level finance and the government's investigation of an international political scheme.
I think it's interesting that Hillary got a concussion right before she was to testify, and then during the hearing her non-answers were accepted as if she answered the questions.
I think it's interesting that our President and every member of Congress refuse to participate in the health care "reforms" they are forcing onto citizens, and avoid the question when asked on camera.. repeatedly.
I think it's interesting that the sales of firearms and ammunition has peaked in our country, as citizens stockpile for some type of siege.
I think it's interesting that our President and Congress somehow think that the solution to being so far into debt that we may not make it back-- the solution is to get more debt?? I was attending a Dave Ramsey discussion group about responsible finances and my mind kept going back to our country's leadership and lack of fiscal responsibility. I see no changes in the works. I see word-crafting, positioning and an entrenched Oligarchy who no longer are part of the masses. Elitism has a new face but it still thinks it wise to advise: "Let them eat cake."
New Year?
In some ways, yes... totally.
Some family is going to give birth to their first baby.
Some amazing young person is going to graduate from school.
Blessed people like myself are going to enter into a marriage covenant before God.
And the greatest change this year? Some amazing person is going take that step of faith, surrendering their life to Abba's love in Christ Jesus. So with that I sit up straight and proclaim, "Happy New Year".

Tis the Season

Late December.
I actually wanted to turn the heat on this week.
Finally.
I didn't see a mosquito today.
The American goldfinch arrived this week... Christmas week.
Everything is almost right.
I no longer hear geese over my home during the Autumn... there's always tomorrow's hope.
Lord, thank you for the many blessings you pour lavishly over us.
I'm sorry for how we mess things up, especially when we don't want to think differently.
I love you.
Jim

End of one chapter, beginning anew

With the close of 2012, I find myself reflecting an a rather spectacular year. Though the list is incomplete at this point, some of my highlights include:

Breakfast with Julius

• Starting an E-Harmony profile last January to get up enough courage to officially "date"again
• Getting a house full of roommates, including Julius
• Going to my first NSTA Convention in Indianapolis, Indiana
• Actually asking ladies out on a date in March
• Meeting Susie last May for our first date
• Becoming Department Chairperson of science department and constant interviewing of candidates for open positions
• Joining a team of high school students to South Africa for two weeks of trekking 
• Sending off Julius and new wife to start life in Waco
• Saying goodbye to my Uncle Mike
• Backpacking with students above Lake City, Colorado, and peaking Uncompahgre 
• Getting to know my godly "person", Susie; I even purchased and have started using jogging shoes... sheesh.
• Starting a very, very challenging school year with huge amounts of changes and challenges at work
• Proposing to Susie on a chilled, moonlit, Nebraska November night after meeting most of her family over Thanksgiving
• Turning 51 and still having some fight in me
• Not seeing flocks of geese migrate overhead this year... makes me sad and concerned.

Crying at Crowder

Twice this week I've ordered Siri to "..play Crowder music..", both times sending me back to a place of intimate connection with our Father.
The only album I own is "Church Music", and I wore it out last year when I drove to Colorado and then the Grand Canyon to spend time with the Father.
To listen again to this music recreates that memory springing from a season of living as a hermit in my own home, a time of rich solitude, contemplation and intimacy with my Lord.

Life is different today.
Not bad, different.
Today I am learning how to be in relationship with a godly woman who seeks to serve the Father and others. As roommate Willy says, a great deal of time is required to be in relationship.

I get Paul's admonition, that it is better to be unmarried, simply on an economy-of-time standpoint. Now I want to spend time with her, whereas before I would sublimate that need for connection and use it to serve others.

Life is good. It's messy. It's different.
God is good. I'm messy. We're different, yet I hope somehow to bring Him a smile at my goofy attempts and foolishness.

Father, protect me from what I was; shape me for who You would have me be.

I love you.

Journey in a Day

I am here.
Here does not define me, but it does describe part of me.
I am not my path, but my path has shaped me.
I am not my future, for there is no such thing; only in the present does the future exist, and no man knows the hour of his reckoning. At best, we get retrospect to learn from.

I have been set free for Freedom, but that freedom is not license... it is an honorable opportunity to choose the things pleasing to my Abba.
I do not get to redo the past-- it is not my present, and therefore not my responsibility. My Lord tells me that he has washed it clean as snow anyway, so to reflect on my past in manners unworthy of my Present is perhaps my greatest sin.

Abba, please allow me the grace of seeing myself in Jesus.
Please allow me the grace to see others as Jesus would.
In this moment, this Moment, I submit what I know to One who gets me.
I love you, Lord.

Cardinal Sin

There is something deep inside of me that is nourished when I spend time in Refugio County. I'm pretty sure it is not the allergies, but I do believe it has to do with the smell of the grass, trees and ragweed, coupled with the sound of cardinals, flycatchers and red-shouldered hawks, the dry wind on a cloudy day whispering false notions about the possibility of rain.

My dad has a pond surrounded by larger trees that he calls "Kelley Park", and I often will lend a hand around his place repairing stuff, or mowing back brush. It was in the process of clearing and trimming shrubs around his lake that I made my mistake: I snipped off a low branch that was hiding a cardinal's nest. I knew my error when I heard the protests of the lone, naked nestling: this high-pitched squeak that usually means: "Hey mom, I'm hungry", but now probably cried out: "Warning!-- old, tall geek with pruning shears who's not looking carefully at what he's doing!!"
I felt terrible. I quickly put the little guy and the souvenir egg back in the nest and wedged it back into the bush from whence it was shorn, an apology offered in the sincerest modality. What else was there to do? RATS! I kayaked back that evening to see if the momma accepted my apology, but I had done a good job of putting the hidden nest back into the bush and didn't want to traumatize them any more by lumbering over to it again. So I left and hoped for the best.
I hate it when I do something trying to help a situation, get so engrossed in the process that I accidentally create a problem, and then have to surrender the outcome, because I don't get the final say.
Sometimes that's like my relationship with God; sometimes that's simply my entire life.
Lord Jesus, I am soo thankful that you are trustworthy, that you know my heart and have the power to make things right, even sins committed with the best of intentions.
Thank you for this summer and the many blessings you shower on us, especially old, tall geeks with pruning shears.