Power Struggles and Control

What is the difference between "heal-grabber" and "grapples-with-God"?
Reading the OYB recently, the story of Jacob stirs curiosities within me.
Why would God choose this manipulative punk, this momma's-boy?
Why would God spare this deceiver?
and why would God wrestle instead of smite? Smite me?
Why doesn't God just smite me?
Why does God allow me to wrestle, vying for control in this power struggle called life?
Why doesn't He just pin me?
And why does he have to do the Ninja-Hip-thing and leave me crippled in what otherwise might be my scariest confrontation, like coming face-to-face with Esau... my history?
And what fear drives this power struggle?
Why can't I just surrender-- is it because I really don't trust God?
Really trust him?
Or maybe I'm supposed to stand at the river and fight Him?
What fool fights God? Right? No?
But Jacob fights God and gets blessed. Of course he's crippled for the rest of his life; there's that...
Very confusing.