Moving forward...

A new world awaits... "Father, into thy hands I commit my spirit." I let go.
They say it gets better.
No more ripping me; healing.
New ways of life.
New sources of comfort.
The old is gone.

Waiting and Letting Go

I do not know how to do this part of life.
I do not want to hurt.
I do not want to hurt others.
I see friends trying to protect;
defense becomes offense.
I write to confess the incomplete, broken person that I am.
I went through the Valley of the Shadow once before,
deluded in thinking it was best to crawl in a hole and die, silently;
didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable;
didn't want to make waves-- so I went away.
I cannot be perfect, though I expect it.
I despise my weakness.
I have to back off; this raw Blogging is not working for me.
If you want to know how I am,
Invite me to your home,
to visit face to face.
I am.

Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye, in Christian circles, is a temporary thing in the grander scheme of things.
With the passing of a grandparent or the tragic death of a friend, the Christian says "goodbye" and experiences the pain of being away, yet there is a subtle hope that leans toward "one day" we will meet again.
The death of a marriage must be the same.
K: follow God.
I'm sorry; I wish I had not been depressed when you were so lonely.
I asked you not to go to Austin, not to go to Burning Man, not to contact BB any more-- twice.
I wish the counselor was as courageous with us as our tribe was.
5 months is a long time to endure the betrayal and deceit of an affair.
I can no longer protect you. You have your own friends now.
I give you to God.
God is bigger; God is better.
Thank you for your word: "hope".
Shared mutually.
ttfn.
Goodbye.

How weird is that?

So this is how weird I am:
I am afraid that if I tell you that I am hurting or in need or something, then you will not want to be around me, because my role is to help you.
How weird is that.
It's like I'm afraid of being human or something.
I cannot be incomplete.
I cannot be messy.
I cannot have moods, or leave stuff out, not if I want to be loved.
How weird is that!
Crazy.
Welcome to my world.